YOU

As a stepmother:
You have become insecure, unsure of yourself, lost your confidence, there is the stigma of being the other woman, comparing yourself to the late wife, ex-wife or biological mother.
You want to be seen, heard, validated, appreciated, accepted, acknowledged, applauded, approved and you yearn for affection.
You have been through depression, you are no longer a confident wife, mother, wife, stepmother or person.
You are trying to navigate your relationship with your step kids, in-laws past and present, friends of the family, past and present.
You feel alone and lonely, you want romance and more intimacy, more sex and validation from your husband, want to feel wanted.
You have low self-esteem and constantly judge yourself, overthinking, feeling criticised, and not feeling enough.
You are confused about spirituality and religion and is trying to connect with your inner-self or God.

And:
You want to get your power back, have absolute clarity on who you are, be confident again, feel enough, be extremely rich, own investments, feel beautiful, complete, happy, secure, joyful, supported, travel around the world without feeling guilty, be spontaneous, feel free, have fun with friends and not be afraid to be alone anymore, build global businesses, grow people, have new friends, volunteer, train your children properly, have a fun life.
You want to play full out, experience and have great memories with yourself, friends and family.
You want to know you will make the best decision always and never question yourself, judge or criticise yourself again.
You want to be in charge of your life again, live your best life and shine your light to the world.
You want to be an expert and learn from other experts, better yourself and add value to people’s lives.
You want PEACE.
You want to discover or re-discover your greatness and own it without any apologies.

You want to create YOUR ideal family

The very power of this desire puts you in a space where you can become selfish, you only are thinking of you and how what you will do will make YOU feel. You don’t stop and ask questions as easy as, how will you like to be loved? What family rituals already exist? Or share how YOU want to be loved. This can be frustrating and could lead you feeling not appreciated or seen.

You want people to LIKE AND ACCEPT you

Despite the admiration of those around you, like from your own family, it often doesn’t feel like you can ever do anything right for the people around you and you seem to be working very hard to make sure people like you i.e step kids, your in-laws, his in-laws (from the ex or deceased) to no avail. So again, you feel disappointed that people are not warming up to you despite all you are doing. Many step mums are constantly judging themselves for NOT being ‘ENOUGH’.

You have GOOD INTENTIONS for all

Your very drive for having a successful blended home is motivated by good intentions, deep commitments and values. When things are not going your way, you make it mean others do not have the same intentions as you and you are alone in this journey. So you start asking, what am I doing here?

You want to be COMFORTABLE in your OWN home

You come up with ideas of how things should be, sometimes, you ask for a relocation from the old to the new and there is a lot of kick back. Or the ex’s or deceased friends and family are lurking around, still wanting to have a say in your home and you are not having it but you keep hitting a brick wall when you make suggestions. The danger in this is that it can make you feel angry, alone and unloved.

You seek perfection IMMEDIATELY

You have dreams and expectations of how perfect you want your home to be with the step kids, your kids, your husband, in-laws. The harmony that needs to ensue with all for a beautiful dynamic dance between all parties. And it all seems like a herculean task because you are alone in this dream. Slow down mama, NOBODY is perfect, you say to yourself and you know it to be true. However, you can’t stop wanting this perfect family and NOW also. You can end up feeling very frustrated.

You are FUTURE-FOCUSED

Having your attention firmly on the future of your family moves you to take action immediately, the moment you have an idea. And you rarely slow down enough to notice the impact of what you are doing or challenges that seem to re-surface, time after time. You just keep going.

You miss out on telling YOURSELF the truth and hearing the “truth”

The more you try, the harder it can become for you to open up with the people around you, because you have lost trust in everyone or sometimes very suspicious of everyone. you believe you are alone and no one gets you. People around you also find it way harder to speak their truth to you because THEY have also become suspicious of you. You are filled with insecurities, as though everyone is out to get you. “The Wicked Stepmom” tune created by you plays in the background. At this point, it’s hard to tell yourself the truth because it is everyone’s fault and not yours, so the truth eludes you and you are not open enough to hear it from anyone else. This is the most dangerous place to be in. Stepmothers often have few people in their world willing to say exactly what they need to hear the most.