23 Apr

Four things that makes a blended home uncomfortable

A blended home can be tough to keep, especially when there’s no significant help from the other parties involved. However when you start to experience discomfort or toxicity in your home, it might be a signal to leave or talk to your partner about it. Here are four things that can make a blended home uncomfortable.

1.You are experiencing signs of Abuse
If your partner is being abusive towards you or the kids, then it’s time to leave. Even though you are not the biological mother, you are still responsible for the kids safety and especially yours. Abuse can come in different forms; Gaslighting, emotional abuse, physical abuse and manipulation.

2.There’s no teamwork
As a stepmom, you shouldn’t bear all the work alone. You and your partner are supposed to work as a team to take care of the home together. No one is doing anyone a favour by cleaning up the house or looking after the kids. Lack of teamwork can result in an unhealthy home environment for you and the kids. The moment you start shifting blames to each other, avoiding important discussions, and not making decisions together, then you no longer work as a team.

3.Lack of Support
You are already doing a lot of work taking care of a blended home, your partner’s support is necessary in making decisions around the home with regards discipline, future plans, holidays, visitors, work.
In a healthy relationship, both partners are supposed to support each other through everything unless it is an unhealthy relationship. If it is, then you shouldn’t be there.
Also kids watch closely and tend to internalize what they see, an unhealthy home might give them the wrong idea of what a relationship should be.

4.You no longer communicate
It’s no news that communication is very important in a relationship.
Communication becomes lost when;
●Your partner expects you to take care of their kids without any input from him so you are burnt out and very resentful.
●Your partner goes ahead to discuss with the biological mum and not discuss with you before making decisions with regards the kids and he does it consistently.
●There is constant judging and criticizing. You constantly point fingers and blame one another.
●No conversation can be had without a shouting battle, you are walking on egg shells constantly.
●He is always angry, shouting for no reason and blaming you for everything. He throws things around also in anger.
●Your partner doesn’t want to get into discussions about co-parenting with you, he ignores your point of views and goes ahead and does what he wants anyways.

Normally, every blended home will have their adjustment time- this varies from family to family.

It can be difficult to see the signs when you start being uncomfortable, but always remember to trust your instincts. You can seek help from a therapist or join a community if you are having problems making a decision.

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