03 Apr

How to handle Mother’s Day as a stepmom

One of the days stepmoms dread the most is mothers day. This is due to the confusion, anxiety and even the rejection that comes with it.
However deep down, getting recognition for all you’ve been doing as a step-parent really goes a long way in making you feel better. So what do you do when some sad truths dawn on you? Here are a few tips for you.

1. Don’t look down on yourself.
You always come first, even though some school of thought says otherwise. It’s true that on a day like this, the biological mother will come first for the kids but this doesn’t make you a second option.
If it’s a blended home where the kids are constantly with you, then you are a mother to them too. You are their guardian and you ought to have a space in their heart just like you have them in yours.
Instead of getting upset, you could ask for a card or a gift. If they don’t get you any, you can always treat yourself to it.
During this time, people might want to seize the opportunity to remind you that you are not the biological parent.
However, you can always make plans with and for the kids, whether they live with you or not.
Kids easily get confused, especially when they have to consult two sets of parents for decision making.
Anytime someone tries to point it out to you, don’t get upset- just gently remind them that you are a parent too and you make plans with the kids.

2. Leave it to the husband
Blended families are not like normal families, they do not enjoy the same luxury.
For a lot of stepmoms, the only person there to celebrate them on mother’s day is their husband. The kids will probably be with their biological parents and might not send cards, gifts or even call the step-parent.
So it’s the husband’s job to celebrate their partner and encourage the kids to do the same.
Stepmothers deserve all the love they can get.

3. Give yourself time
Be patient with the kid(s) and be patient with yourself. It’s expected that you will get frustrated or feel under appreciated, but you have to keep it cool.
Remember the kids are in a state of confusion, be patient and forgiving with them.
As funny as it sounds, you can celebrate by yourself on mother’s day. Order take-out, take a walk, prepare your favorite meal or go to the movies. Thinking about it well, you get to have a little to yourself on mother’s day.

4. You can’t please everyone
To be on everyone’s good side, you will do your best to please them. That’s not possible. You can’t juggle the kids’ acceptance and try to be friends with your husband’s ex together all at the same time. Things will become very complicated.
If you try to force this balance, you will end up upsetting people more than you thought.
As much as you want to be on the child’s side, it’s important that you remember the rules that their biological mother works with in her own home. You should also be prepared to take backlashes for the kids’ wrong doings.
On mother’s day, when you find yourself getting stuck in the bubble, the best thing to do is to step up and keep being the consistent parent you are.

This mother’s day, the only person you should expect validation from is your husband (check no.2) and focus on other relevant things. By understanding your place in a blended family, you get more respect and your efforts will be recognized as the kids grow older.

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