You could have the best relationship with your spouse and step kids, but there might be an obstacle; The difficult baby mama who always brings up drama then and now. A large number of blended families are struck by step-parent drama.
Sometimes you will get tired and decide to step back and sometimes you will need to “woman” up and handle your responsibilities. You deserve respect as a new woman in your spouse’s life as much as how she needs to know her place as the mother of his kids.
Here are some tips to dealing with your step kid(s) difficult parent
1.It’s normal to be jealous
Remember that she was once a big part of your spouse’s life. She loved him (and might still even love him). She’s probably dreamt of the life you currently have with your partner, who was her ex.
You on the other hand, will also have a twinge of jealousy in you if things do not always go your way.
It’s best to acknowledge this feeling instead of trying to deny or suppress it. In situations like this, avoid reacting out of emotions, and do well to be calm so that you can respond appropriately in ways that will favor your family.
If things work out the way it should, you all should co-parent and be united, but that might just be an unrealistic imagination. In order to protect your mental health, you should do things to the best of your capacity. It might be hard to respect her rules at times, especially if it contradicts yours.
You need not worry though, because kids will follow all rules laid down for them as long as they are clearly stated and respected.
The issue only occurs when one parent downplays the other’s rule- here, the kid(s) get confused. Don’t be that parent.
3.Don’t overplay your part
You are not the mother of his kids. You might find it easy to claim that position but don’t. You are a friend, not even a best friend. Earn respect by maintaining your position as the woman that their father chose instead of getting too close or behaving too nicely. To avoid ending up in a bad relationship with them, discover their area of interests and connect with them. If they reach out to you to keep some sort of opportunity secret, encourage them to tell their parent(s).
4.Build a relationship with her
Your spouse is pulled in between the two of you, and that’s quite an ugly place to be. If she’s a critic who keeps complaining about situations, bringing up fights and all, you will only add more fuel to the fire by reporting “ her” to your partner. Try building a relationship with your spouse’s baby mama, asides the one with your partner. Let her know that you are not trying to take her position away from her. Tell her you respect her position as the mother of her kids.
Sometimes she just needs reassurance that you are not trying to take her place. Avoid getting into heated arguments or fights with her, if she realizes that she can easily piss you off, then she will gain power over you and will do it over and over again. You can bring your spouse in if you feel you can’t handle it alone, but if you keep getting him to interfere, you will be asking him to choose between the both of you, throwing away your relationship in the process.
Baby mama drama is unavoidable. If you take the necessary steps and act accordingly, this won’t have any impact on your relationship or that which you have with the kids.